I must be too annoying 4 u.
My liver just broke up with me...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
