so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
