I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
