apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
