Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
