Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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