Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
