What did we do last night that was yellow?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
