Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
