I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
