you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
