Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
