Apparently you make a good broom.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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