He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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