you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
