I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
