I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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