i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
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i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
