none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
