Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
