My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
