I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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