dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
