Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
