i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
