I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Green mimosas i think yes
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
