I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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