these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
