Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
