just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
