i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
