ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My dick has a subreddit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
