Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
