Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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