i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
