he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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