i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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