Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
