garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
