Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
