Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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