OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I touched a dick in church today
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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