you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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