Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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