This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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