"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
