we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
