she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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