my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
