i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
