he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
